Life doesn’t always work out to how you planned. You get married and live the dream until it all goes wrong. But when it goes wrong and your marriage ends, you need to think about coping with divorce and staying friends with your ex-partner. Staying friends makes it easier to work together at parenting and you have known each other for so long. You have shared so much together that it’s a lot to lose when you divorce. You also need to help keep your child stable throughout the divorce.
Think About The Child
This is obviously your number one priority! You need to think about your child and their feelings. You want your child to be happy and adapt to the new living situation, so talk to them in a way that they will understand. Don’t bad mouth the other parent, because it is still their parent and the child shouldn’t feel like they have to choose.
Don’t stop the other parent from seeing the child, everyone is hurting when a marriage breaks up including the other parent. Be supportive of how your child feels about the breakup. They will play up and get into trouble, this is normal behaviour and it will calm down again.
Let the school know about the marriage breakdown, so they can also support your child.
Work Together To Co-parent
Work with your ex-partner to co-parent. Sort out work rota’s so that someone is always there for your child outside of school. It is going to be more difficult to agree on things that involve your children, so you need to come to a compromise. It will be difficult if you are not quite on speaking terms, but working together helps you become better parents.
Let Go Of Hate For The Other Parent
It takes a lot of energy to hate the other parent and holding onto that hate is hard on you. It is time consuming and painful. You need to be creating a positive environment for your child to grow up in. So try to turn all of that hate into something positive. Holding a grudge over the other parent will cause pain for your child as they won’t want to upset any parent. Sharing your hate and negativity about the other parent makes the child resent you and they will throw it back in your face as they get older. Forgive and forget.
Think About The Other Parents Feelings
You are not the only parent in this marriage or relationship that is going through a divorce. The other parent is too. If they have left the marital home, they have lost so much more than you. They have lost the chance to put your child to bed, the chance to get up with them in the night. They are also trying to hold it all together like you, but they don’t have the child to get out of bed for in the morning.
Do not stop the other parent from seeing the child and do not slag them off on social media to get sympathy from your friends. Do not throw them under the bus, when they are probably thinking of jumping themself. Happily divorced parents mean happy children.
Set Things Out On Paper
Get things down on paper! if it wasn’t a good break-up, you need to get custody sorted out with a solicitor. Just so that you both know where you stand with having access to the child. Sadly it is well known that mothers stop fathers from seeing their children. It is much publicised in the media, do not be that parent.
Sort out child maintenance and the house. If you own the house, make sure you are both contributing to the costs until it is sold. Getting it all down on paper, means you know where you stand.
Sort Out Finances Together
Take this time to work out your finances. If you are in debt, get them sorted out and make repayment plans. Get all of the bills transferred over to your name and remove your ex-partner’s details. Go onto Univeral Credit if you need to, there is no shame and they will help you sort out your money.
If you own your home, look at buying your ex-partner out or selling the property. Talk to the partner about putting the money into a smaller property for your child. It creates stability for them and helps them cope. If you rent, speak to the landlord and get it moved to your name.
